Nicole vs. Life
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
