you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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