Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
