I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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