Fine. I'll sleep in my office
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
