I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
