i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Come on in and take your pants off
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
