I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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