Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
