It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We were destined to go to rehab together
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
