I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
