Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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