haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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