"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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