I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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