why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i can't believe i had my finger in that
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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