the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
