Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
