Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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