but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
