those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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