The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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