and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize