I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
