just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
