I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
