tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
