He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
