she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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