i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Everclear isn't food dammit
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
