Life is so much better after having sex.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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