next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
