paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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