I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
