Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
