You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
