my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
