I'm going to jail i love you
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
