If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.