that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
