Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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