He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I cut my penus on the lid.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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