I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
