I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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