Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
