sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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