So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
