Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
