i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
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How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
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I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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