You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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