Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize