Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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