I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
