Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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