I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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