I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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