His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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