I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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