I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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