He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
